One Last Cry :: Part One .:. One Last CryOne Last Cry -- Part One
Saturday night, and once again, I’m sitting here, alone. He promised that he would take me out tonight, but as usual, he “forgot” and made plans or he’s “busy recording”, I forget which excuse it was this time. According to the press, we had the perfect relationship. Far from.
In the past 5 months, he’d constantly been “forgetting”, making up excuses, reasons why we couldn’t go out for dinner, or to parties. I tried to brush it off as just his busy schedule getting in the way, but then came photos of him with other girls. I spent nights crying about those photos, and he never knew because he was never there. Soon enough, I got over those photos because, I realized that they came from tabloids, and everyone knows those are never true. Right? I never confronted him about those photos. I knew he would deny everything, what man wouldn’t? I think he sensed that I had seen them, because for the next week after the tabloids came out, he spent everyday with me 24/7. 2 and a half weeks later, I was back at square one—alone.
My thoughts were interrupted by a beeping sound coming from the dresser. I got up off the bed and walked over to see what it was. Sure enough, it was his 2-way. I guess he forgot to grab it before he left to go to God knows where. I hesitated whether or not I should open it and see who the message was coming from. I mean, it was his personal 2-way, but then again, I am his girlfriend and there should be no secrets between us. I flipped open the 2-way and “Incoming Message” was flashing across the screen. The message disappeared and the screen went blank. I pressed a few buttons and found the inbox. The message was from a phone number that I didn’t recognize. I pressed the “select” button, and up popped the message.
Hey j baby, I miss you. Where are you tonight? With that bitch of a girlfriend, I’m assuming. You know, if you were here with me right now, I’d do you better than she ever could, but you already know that don’t you. You left so quick the other night I didn’t get a chance to tell you how amazing that was. Call me as soon as you get this. Just tell Jeannie that you’ve got stuff to deal with at the studio. That always works doesn’t it? I’ll see you later…I’m sure. –Jasmine
Jasmine? J Baby? I miss you?! The other night?! Oh hell no, you have got to be kidding me. No way, that was probably just one of the guys playing a joke. Yeah that must be it. or maybe just a wrong number. Even if she was…well if she’s asking where he is, he’s obviously not with her tonight…
Why am I trying to convince myself that he’s not fooling around? Because he’s not cheating on me. Right? He said he loved me, and plus, he’s not that kind of guy. He promised me. I unconsciously fiddled with the promise ring on my right hand that he gave me a year ago. I remember that night like it was yesterday…
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I walked into the bedroom and gasped. The room was lit with votive candles. The walls were lined with hundreds or white rose petals and candles, but he was nowhere to be found. Then he walked out of the bathroom, dressed in a black tuxedo.
“What’s all this for?” I asked, a smile quickly forming on my lips.
“Do I need a reason?” he smiled. He pressed a button on the remote he was holding, and “Never felt this way” by Brian McKnight filled the room.
I looked at him inquisitively as he walked towards me. He put both hands on my face, and kissed me softly. I opened my eyes slowly and opened my mouth to say something, but he stopped me by putting a finger to my lips.
“Come sit down, I gotta tell you something,” he whispered.
I gladly obliged. I sat on our king sized bed, and he kneeled in front of me. He took both my hands into his, and cleared his throat. He was nervous about something, but what, I didn’t have a clue.
“Jeannie, I love you-“
“I love you too…”
“No wait, don’t say anything, I need to get this out before I forget what I want to say, just hear me out…I love you, more than life, I mean, you’re my everything Jeannie, my everything. I can’t even eat a meal without you, let along breathe, ok, I’m babbling, well, I guess what I’m trying to say here is—wait, here, let me show you…” he reached into his pocket, and pulled out a grey velvet box.
He opened it, and there I saw a solitaire diamond on a platinum band. My eyes bulged out. I gasped and put my hand over my mouth. “Justin, I don’t know, I mean, I know we’ve been together for two years now, but I mean” I couldn’t think of anything else to say, I was speechless.
“It’s not what you think, I mean I wish it were what you think, but I know we’re not ready for the real thing, but I know I want to spend every day of my life with you, so this ring is a promise ring. A promise that one day, when we are ready, I’ll be able to take this ring off your right hand, and put it on your left.”
I couldn’t hold it in anymore; I just let my tears fall. I couldn’t believe he said that. This night made it official. We were officially the happiest couple in the world—in our world.
“Baby, don’t cry, this wasn’t supposed to make you cry” he brought his hand up and wiped a tear from my cheek with his thumb. “Will you accept this ring as my promise to us?…” he said just above a whisper.
I simply nodded my head, and jumped into his arms. Nothing could describe the happiness we both felt that night.
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If only that was yesterday, and we were still that much in love. If only his words were still that sincere and full of passion. There's no doubt that we still have feelings for each other, but they’re just not that deep anymore. What I wouldn’t give to go back to those days.
I sighed, looking at my watch. 11:03pm. There was no chance of him coming home now. All my hopes that he would come running into the room, out of breath, saying that he had been caught in traffic, or that the roads were closed, so he had to take a detour, something except the usual “sorry I forgot baby, I was at the studio and lost track of time” went out the window.
I suppose I should be fed up with him and his excuses by now, but somehow, no matter how angry I am at him, he’ll look at me and wrap his arms around me and whisper his apology, and just like that I would find it in my heart to forgive him and push away any thoughts of his insincerity.
Giving up, I walked over to the dresser, and pulled out some pyjama pants and a tank top, to get ready for bed. After I got changed, I climbed onto the huge bed we shared. A bed we shared in body only, not body and spirit. It was just a place where we slept. Not being able to take my thoughts off the message and him, I turned on the TV. I flipped channels mindlessly, until something caught my eye. It was “Wild On: Los Angeles”. Good old Wild On, this show is always funny. It’s great watching the drunken people apologize to their parents for acting that way on national television. Then Brooke Burke came on the screen, talking about some club that all the celebrities apparently liked best. It was called “The Spot”.
Oh yeah, I remember that club. Justin took me there our third date. We had so much fun, I admit we were both pretty drunk to even remember every little thing that happened during the course of the night, but we concluded that we had a great time. Brooke Burke took the cameras back into the VIP section, and spotted some celebs like Usher and Rozonda, Brad and Jennifer, P. Diddy and company, J.Lo and Ben, then the camera turned to get a 360 view of the room, and in the corner of the room, in a dark booth, I saw someone who
I thought resembled Justin. Thank goodness for Time Warner Cable, I could rewind the show. I rewound it frame by frame, and tears came to my eyes. It was him. It was him and a brunette. To make matters worse, they weren’t just sitting there having “friendly conversation”, he was kissing her. Kissing her the way he used to kiss me. At that moment, my heart broke, it broke into a thousand un-mend able pieces. And then it occurred to me. He wasn’t just playing me; he was playing “Jasmine” too. And who knows how many other women.
He drew the last straw. That was it. This time it was for real. I jumped out of the bed and grabbed my suitcases out of the closet and threw in all the clothes and other personal belongings I could fit into the designer suitcases. How ironic how he bought us these matching Gucci suitcases for our trip to Hawaii on our second anniversary, when now I’m using them to get away from him. It’s true, irony is a bitch.
Once I was done packing, I turned out the lights in the room, took a last look at the room that saw so much passion and love which had now turned into a dark and empty waste of space. Closing my eyes and letting another tear fall, I slowly walked out, closing the door behind me. I took my time walking down the hall and down the stairs, taking in all the memories plastered on the walls in forms of pictures. Finally, I got to the front door. I took a deep breath and before turning the knob, I took off the thin gold chain from around my neck, and took the promise ring off my finger, placed the chain through the ring, and opened the door. I dragged my suitcases behind me and closed the front door. Before walking away, I put the necklace with the ring on the doorknob. Hoping that maybe when he came home, he wouldn’t be too wasted and realize that he had royally messed up this time.
I walked towards my silver Mercedes Benz, that Justin had given me for my 20th birthday. Now that I think about it, he always tried to buy my love, the trip to Hawaii and Paris, the car, the house, the everything. Little did he know he had my heart the second he flashed his gorgeous smile. I popped the trunk, and put the suitcases in. Walking to the driver’s seat door, I unlocked it and slid into the seat. I sighed heavily and rested my forehead on the steering wheel. Did I really want to do this? I still love him, no matter what he does; he’s still the same person inside. He’s still my Justin.
“I gave you my best, my all, Justin, and you threw it all away” I stepped on the clutch, started the car, and shifted into first gear. In a matter of seconds, I was backing out of the driveway that led to a place we both used to call home. That night, I cried the last tear I would ever have to shed for Justin. It was over.
My shattered dreams and broken heart
Are mending on the shelf
I saw you holding hands
Standing close to someone else
Now I sit all alone
Wishing all my feelings was gone
I gave my best to you
Nothing for me to do
But have one last cry
One last cry
Before I leave it all behind
I gotta put you out of my mind this time
Stop living a lie
I guess I'm down to my last cry
